The RockStar Delivery of Tiberius Achaemenes

Yesterday, I pushed with a Mum going natural from 0715am until delivery at 1134am.

Let me repeat, Mum was au naturale without so much as a Tylenol from the time her labor started (1730pm on the 19th) until she got a pudendal block for the forceps at 1130 on the 20th.

And she didn't even want the pudendal! We had to coerce/strongly encourage her to take it. 

And once the forceps were on, I'm pretty sure she was glad she got whatever little relief from the pudendal that she did. (A pudendal block is an intra-vaginal injection of anesthetic that supposedly numbs the perineum, vulva and vagina.)

She had a doula, who was (thankfully) awesome. 

But have mercy. 

I needed a doula, too. Someone to tell me to "keep breathing" and offering me water.

And maybe the Doula needed a Doula.

Over four hours of pushing, and we were all exhausted.

GooberDoc, who is not her primary but is just on call for the group wants the patient to have pitocin to increase the frequency of her contractions. The patient (literally) growled at him. 

Granted, in GooberDoc's defense, she did need at least a sniff of pit. Her contractions were 2-7 minutes apart, and this was after two hours of pushing already. 

Outside the room, GooberDoc says to me, "If she is so fucking crazy that she wants to do this her way, I'll let her keep going... It doesn't hurt me at all." (Side note: this is how he earned the title of "GooberDoc.")

Really? 

Perhaps you should've been a dentist,

or a dermatologist.

Bastard.

Nothing perturbs me quite like a male doctor making some borderline (or even over borderline) comment about my gender, and expecting me to agree, or laugh along with their asinine comments.

It's the equivalent of telling a "black joke" to a black girl, and expecting her to giggle, just because you're sharing. 

Bastard.

Anyway, RockStar Mum had a tiny first degree (so GooberDoc is good with the forceps) and a gorgeous, gorgeous, baby boy.
 Tiberius Achaemenes isn't his real name, by the way.
But I am thoroughly convinced that it should've been.